There have been three times in my life when I came to realize that I am seriously out of touch with much of the American electorate. The first time came in 1980, when Ronald Reagan was elected President in a landslide: 489 to 49 in the electoral college. (That was also the year that John Anderson received 6.6% of the popular vote.) My dismay that the United States elected that doofus actor as President was only reinforced in 1984, when Reagan won a bigger landslide (526 to 13).

But at least Reagan was an amiable doofus.

The second time was, of course, Trump’s narrow win over Hillary Clinton in 2016. And now, the third time, his re-election in 2024.

Words fail me.

So, Trump has increased the number of people who vote for him every time he’s run. In 2016 he received 62,984,828 votes, which was, of course, 2,868,686 fewer votes than Hillary Clinton, even though he beat her in the electoral college. In 2020 he was smoked by Biden to the tune of 7,059,526 votes. And now, with 99.9% of the vote counted — btw, how effing long does it take to finish counting votes in California? — Trump is leading Kamala Harris by 2,397,837 votes.

In any case, this means that in 2020 Trump increased his vote count by 11,239,147 voters (while still losing), and in 2024 he increased his popular vote total by an additional 2,907,780.

Since 2016 and his ride down the escalator, Trump has increased his vote count by a staggering 14,146,927 votes.

Oh boy.

Roughly half of American voters chose this malignant narcissist, this compulsive liar, this racist, misogynist and casually cruel wannabe dictator, this fascist egomaniac (who even cheats at golf) in greater and greater proportions over the last decade. 

Words fail me.

And yet, one has to acknowledge that that is exactly what’s happened. Along the way Trump has beaten everybody except Biden (and he clearly would have beaten Biden the second time around). 

• In 2016 he beat John Kasich, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Ben Carson, Jeb Bush, Jim Gilmore, Chris Christie, Carly Fiorina, Rick Santorum, Rand Paul and Mike Huckabee; 
• In 2020 he beat Bill Weld, Rocky De La Fuente, Joe Walsh, and Mark Sanford (granted, not exactly a “who’s  who” of opposition candidates); and, 
• In 2024 he beat Nikki Haley, Ron DeSantis, Chris Christie, Vivek Ramaswamy, Asa Hutchinson, Perry Johnson, Tim Scott, Doug Burgum, and his own former VP, Mike Pence.

And in 2024 he didn’t just beat them: he clobbered them. He got 17,015,756 votes, which represents 76.42% of the total share; Nikki Haley managed to get a healthy 19.68% and Ron DeSantis eked out 1.59%. Nobody else even made it to 1%.

Against Donald effing Trump.

He’s beaten all comers. You have to give him that. This shitweasel with all the impulse control of a coked up squirrel is the man that half of America has chosen to fall in love with.

Explain it to me like I’m a five-year old.

What do people love about him so?