Recently I had a conversation with some of the insurrectionists, trying to understand better what they hoped to accomplish by breaking into the Capitol Building and kidnapping and assassinating a few legislators. 

Here’s how the conversation went:

Me: So, you guys were going to go in there and maybe kidnap a few legislators and assassinate a few others. Like maybe kidnap Nancy Pelosi and Mike Pence, and assassinate AOC and Ayanna Pressley. Was that the idea?

Insurrectionists: Yeah, something like that.

Me: Now, if you had kidnapped Nancy Pelosi and Mike Pence, who were you going to negotiate with?

Them: We don’t know, maybe Mitch McConnell. And maybe also Nancy Pelosi and Mike Pence while we had them in custody.

Me: And what were you going to ask for? That they certify Donald Trump as the new President?

Them: Yeah.

Me: So how would that have worked? After all they would have to have a new set of ballots to certify.

Them: We weren’t really worried about the mechanics of it.

Me: But seriously, suppose Nancy Pelosi, Mike Pence and Mitch McConnell all agreed to certify Trump as the new President. Suppose both Pelosi and McConnell had put a motion to the floor that Trump is certified as the new President. Would that have been enough?

Them: We hadn’t really thought that through. We suppose so.

Me: And you think you could have gotten all the Reps and Senators back into the chambers to take that vote while you all were occupying the chamber?

Them: We hadn’t really thought that through.

Me: Okay, let’s suppose you got them all to come back into the chamber, to vote on this new Pelosi and McConnell motion, certifying Trump as the new President. And then, eventually, you would have to leave the chamber. 

Them: Yeah, we guess. Maybe we would have stayed a night.

Me: Okay, so let’s say that by January 7th the chamber is cleared, and you have the certification that you want. Do you think that Trump would then be President for the next four years?

Them: We guess so. We hadn’t really thought that through.

Me: Like, you do realize that the Constitution requires that Congress certifies the ballots, correct?

Them: We hadn’t really thought that through.

Me: You do realize that any motion Pelosi and McConnell might have made without a new set of ballots would not be constitutional, correct?

Them: We hadn’t really thought that through.

Me: And you do realize that this would have gone to the Supreme Court, correct?

Them: We hadn’t really thought that through.

Me: And you do realize that Pelosi and McConnell would claim that their votes were made under duress and are not binding, and that most of Congress would have said the same thing, correct?

Them: We hadn’t really thought that through.

Me: And you do realize that the top leaders of the military have said repeatedly, that they were not going to get involved in the Presidential race and support some kind of insurrection, correct?

Them: We hadn’t really thought that through.

Me: And you do realize that once you left the Capitol, where there are security cameras everywhere, and where many of your supporters were live-streaming the event, that it wouldn’t take long for everyone to figure out who you guys are, correct?

Them: Oh yeah, we wanted everyone to know who we are.

Me: And then the military, the Secret Service, the FBI, the D.C. police, everyone would be coming after you. Correct?

Them: Well, we figured that President Trump would order them all to stand down.

Me: So, you guys were smoking crack all day before the insurrection. Correct?

White Supremacists. Not the sharpest tools in the shed.